Currently reflecting on my past, present and future. friendships lost or diminished, jobs I have left and opportunities I have missed all because of two things; lack of balance/timing and low self-worth. As much as people like to assume that I am confident within myself and sure of who I am, the truth is, I am not and I do not. I have always lacked the knowledge of finding the right balance when in friendships, finding a healthy work and personal life balance and knowing when to just say YES to opportunities.
I realise I sometimes have a black or white way of thinking; I either go hard or go home, am either transparent and wear my heart on my sleeve or put up a thick wall and keep my thoughts and feelings neatly tucked away. I can also be aloof if I don’t feel a sense of genuineness or
I cling to a person I feel a connection with. I could sit here and dwell on all my failed friendships and what went wrong (which is most likely the route I was going to go down) BUT I’ve decided to not do that.
Through writing this, I am taking the opportunity to release the pain and burden from my heart and work towards healing and most of all forgiveness. I choose to release any hurt caused my anyone who has found it very easy to let me walk away or cut all ties without seeking to understand my reasoning behind my behaviour. I choose to forgive myself for hurting anyone without realising I have done so. Most of all, I choose to no longer see myself as the bad person and to no longer blame myself for any failed friendships. If I know I have tried to reconcile with someone and they show no interest, then it’s time to cut my losses and move on…S**t happens….