This time last year…

On mothers day last year I was in one of the worse states I had ever been. Nothing and no one could shift my mood or make me feel better. I stayed in my bed and shut everyone out including my partner and children. That day was one of the key moments in realsing how bad my depression had reached. For me to not want to see to my children was a true sign that something wasnt right. With that being said, I would like to point out that they were fine and not neglected, they had their father 😉

For the whole day, I was in a zombie-like state, ignoring every call and message I received from loved ones who only wanted to wish me a happy mothers day. The irony of it all was that it wasnt a “happy” mothers day for me. 

One would think, well what’s your problem? You have everything and more! Two beautiful children and a partner who loves you. You look good everytime we see you and you seem to have everything under control. 

The truth of the matter is that depression doesn’t pick and choose when its going to “arrive” or who it will be affected by. Whilst there are environmental factors which may trigger depression there are also biological factors such as a hormonal imbalance and hereditory dispositions.

There are many factors which were a catalyst for my anxiety and depression but the hardest thing to do is try to shake it off. The harder I try the worse I feel. 

I slept and cried the whole day! My poor sons tried to cheer me up, my parents called me tirelessly, my sister tried to get through to me, friends wished me a lovely day but little did you everyone know the demons I fought with. 

So i guess my message is this; if you are struggling mentally and finding it hard to cope with life, speak up. Please don’t shut everyone out for fear of being seen as crazy or weak. Your voice will help others around you to better understand your actions, behaviour, moods and diatance. Speak to those you are moat comfortable with and trust. How can anyone help you if they do not know that something is wrong. For too long I placed a mask over my face to keep the “under control” facade going but in the end it made it worse because I resented people for not checking on me or including me in their social affairs. In hindsight, how could I blame them when all i would do is cancel plans with friends or just not turn up!! 

To all the mothers and fathers who know the feelings of being overwhelmed all to well, please remember that what we do is not easy. Our jobs include but is not limited to:

NEGOTIATOR 

PSYCHOLOGIST/THERAPIST 

POLICE 

TEACHER 

ENTERTAINER 

REFEREE

CHAUFFEUR 

BODY GUARD 

CHEF

STYLIST 

….and the list goes on….

Love and light to you all 💜

2 thoughts on “This time last year…

  1. Keep pushing through. You’re doing amazing. I’ve read all your posts. Thank you for being so brave and sharing with us all. X

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