See, when I was pregnant with my first child, I read all the books about parenting and pregnancy and watched every single episode on home and health about labour and raising children in their early years. Nothing, NOTHING, truly prepared me for what it actually meant to be a mother. Now I’m not going to sit here and mull over all the moments that have made me sit and ponder about the times I have wanted to give my children back (yes I said give them back, lets not pretend some of you haven’t wanted to run away to a cave and sit in silence whilst eating your favourite meal all alone *side eye*). But this post is dedicated to all the mothers and fathers who have just wanted to sit in their PJ’s and do nothing with no judgement.
Every single day, I have my son in one ear saying “mummy, can we go here and do this and that and buy those and blah blah blah” then in another ear I have my 23 month old saying “nunny…nunny!!”, (nunny not mummy) “epata ey DD nunny!!” whilst tugging at my breast for milk. As I’m typing he’s literally yanking my boob out of my top shouting “doodie doodie”
Now don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother and wouldn’t change it for anything but I’m also not going to pretend I’m a robot who runs on eternal batteries. I get overwhelmed the same way a person would in a demanding job with no break. Some days all I want to do is sit in my pyjama’s (preferably sit in the nude) doing whatever I please! Gone are the days when any free time I got I’d want to be out raving till the early morning. Nowadays, when I get free time, which is very rare, I just sit there doing nothing, dishes still in the sink, dinner not cooked and before I know it, hours have gone by with me sat on the sofa enjoying the fact that I don’t have any beings to look after. *Side note: In between fighting to switch off my laptop, my 1-year-old is currently using my kitchen tongs to carefully place wooden building blocks down my back*
The reason for this post is to let parents of all ages know that we are all in the same boat. Never look at another parent and assume they have their s**t together all the time because trust me when I say, they have their days just like you. I speak to so many mothers of varied ages who have all spoken about moments of feeling bad for laying in bed or on the sofa watching their children whilst feeling bad because they haven’t been creative or taken them out to amazing places. I’ve had mothers compare themselves (myself included) to other mum’s because they’ve assumed that other mothers have parenting 101 on lock down. The truth is, no one is perfect! We all share the same feelings and worries just like the next caring mother/father. We all feel bad sometimes and think we aren’t doing enough to help our children thrive. All we can do is our best with the tools we naturally have and the tools we’ve picked up along the way.
The more we speak and open up to each other about our fears and hopes the more we will see that we’re in this together. It takes a village…no man is an island.
Remember, I’m no expert in your experiences or your life, I can only take ownership for my thoughts and experiences but I do know that collectively, we can help to lessen the tremendous guilt some of us experience by speaking up.
Love and Light x