Currently sat at my desk at work, my mind running a thousand mph with all the possible ideas of what my next job role should be. Whilst I’m certain about my career as a psychotherapist I’m currently confused with what jobs to apply for now whilst I study and raise my children.
Being out of full time employment for almost 3 years has knocked my confidence in the workforce back for 10. My last place of work left a horrible memory and association with me that I constantly doubt myself and my ability to perform well in a professional setting. This often confuses other professionals as they often say that I come across as well poised, professional and articulate. I guess it’s a classic case of doubting my own abilities and thinking I’m worse than I am! I experienced severe bullying from my previous manager that when I left, I told myself I would focus on my children and myself, hence I went back to studies and started training as a counsellor. Ok I’m sure you’re reading this and wondering why I am looking for work and saying all these things when I just stated that I am at work in front of my desk. I am currently volunteering for a housing association/children’s centre as a receptionist which I genuinely enjoy but it will be coming to an end soon. My youngest is now ready to start nursery which means I’m free!!!! (free to work during the week that is).
It’s always a tough battle when, like me, you are person who refuses to settle for just anything and only wants to do something with a purpose that’s mentally, spiritually and emotionally fulfilling. For me, this would involve working in the community, helping to make a difference in the lives of those who need it. Whilst this sounds good, it can often feel like you’re swimming against the current looking for a job that fits into my life as a mother and student. When I do get a confidence boost to apply for jobs, doubt sets in again just before I send my C.V or application form and question if there’s a point, would the employer be flexible and understand that I do not want to work past 6pm nor do I want to work weekends. Gosh, even typing that feels like I’m asking for too much!
The funny thing is, there’s a part of me that knows all will fall into place sooner rather later and that I should just allow the universe to work it’s magic. But the impatient Aries side of me is frustrated and wants the magic to happen now because in my head, my perception of success isn’t in alignment with where I am in this present moment.