That awkward moment when…

Firstly, I’d like to take this time to say THANK YOU to those who are subscribed and have been following me and my journey so far. You are appreciated and it means a lot! 


So a few weeks ago I checked (for the first time) how many subscribers my blog had. To my disappointment I saw that I only had 3 email subscribers Being the honest person I usually am, I’m not going to lie and say that this didn’t hurt my heart. It slightly crushed my enthusiasm and excitement to share personal sides of me any further. Ok im lying, it CRUSHED ME! I wanted to cy and throw my middle finger to the world and say “Fuck this shit! What’s the point of my blog anyway?!”  This was literally one of those awkward moment’s of when expectation Vs reality do not match! Ouch! I felt so deflated and again not worthy. I fell back into my comfort mode of measuring my worth with everyone else’s actions towards me or everyone’s thoughts about me. 

When I first started my blog and the months following,  I promoted each of my posts via a few social media platforms and often received positive reviews from friends and strangers. However, me and my presumative self then assumed that at least half of those people had already subscribed so as to keep up to date with my posts. Yeah….life doesn’t work that way Lyn.
Before I continue, I am in no way writing this for pitty or because I am sulking (well I was at the time). I am aware that this is life and the there are always many reasons why things do not go the way we plan them to be in our heads. I guess I’m just using this space as a way of expressing my honest thoughts when I feel them.

To continue, on reflection I need to work on loving and truly accepting myself wholeheartedly regardless of what others think, do or say. Just because I don’t have many subscribers (yet) it doesn’t mean that what I am doing is wrong, rubbish or unhelpful. In reality, I am not consistent (yet) nor have I been the most regular user of social media. The most influential people in the world did not start off being already being well known, popular, influential or sometimes liked. The difference between those that succeed is their determination to stay true to themselves and remain consistent in their work because they believe in their cause and ideas and most importantly themselves and never give up. 

           ⬆⬆⬆*NOTE TO SELF*⬆⬆⬆

Love and Light to you all 💜

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